I am an egg; I am a cracked egg; I have to stay away; I don’t want others to see my cracks. I am a cracked egg; I have no choice; I have to protect my cracks; I can’t let others touch my vulnerable cracks. I wasn’t born a cracked egg; I am an Omega-3 egg; Created with a special purpose, to be more nutritious, more healthy, and more valuable! Yet my shell is much thinner, I needed to be handled with care. My master wants to preserve me, make me into a salty egg. I was dropped inside a glass jar; I crashed into other eggs… I felt my shell cracking slowly, there is nothing I can do to stop it! Why? Why me? I used to be worth 3 times more than other eggs; Now I am worthless, just soaking in salty water, waiting to be throw away! I am not ready to ask -Why not me?! After what seemed forever, the master opened the jar, carefully scooped me out, gently wiped me clean, and deliberately placed me on a carton. I don’t understand it; there are other eggs in the jar, but I was the one chosen! My master started taking pictures of me, focusing on my cracks, saying how beautiful they are. I am just a cracked egg; I was chosen for a special purpose; I don’t need to hide my cracks now; everyone can see through my cracked shell. I don’t mind it anymore; hopefully they will learn as I did, to see from my master’s eyes: the beauty and usefulness of a cracked egg!
By Judi Chow
I don’t know if you have experienced walking through a street so crowded where people pressing against you. Come to Hong Kong and you will have a taste of “people-mountain, people-sea.” Recently I found myself giving the look to people whom stopped suddenly in front of me. This might be an indication that I have fully adapted to the Hong Kong culture where everyone is always in a hurry. I don’t bother to see the people stopping were receiving a phone call, resting their feet, or figuring out where they were going. My concern was somebody is blocking me and I was in a hurry. I also get irritated when people pressing against my back when waiting in line; I can smell their sweat. I don’t like it when strangers touched me accidentally or intentionally; I needed my personal space. Yet, I remembered long ago, a stranger, a woman, in the crowd intentionally touched Jesus. (Matthew 9:20-22, Mark 5:25-34, or Luke 8:43-48)
She was in a desperate situation.
He has the power to heal her.
She reached out and touched Him.
He felt a release of power.
She was cured immediately.
He asked, “Who touched me?”
She was fearful and trembling.
He kept looking for her
She fell at His feet and told her story.
He called her, daughter.
It was a brief exchange, but that encounter with Jesus changed that woman’s life forever. I wondered why would the omniscience (all knowing) Lord ask this question: who touched me? After all, Jesus was on His way to help a dying girl! That woman just wanted an anonymous healing, but Jesus took the time and made it personal. By asking a simple question: who touched me? Jesus gave her a choice, almost like an invitation to come forward to hear Him called her daughter. In the midst of ”people-mountain, people-sea,” Jesus calling her with such intimacy, acknowledging her faith, granting her not only physical healing but spiritual satisfaction as well. If this is not the personal relationship Jesus offers, what is?
As a missionary, how can I counteract this hurry, busy, crowding culture and be sensitive enough to know those around me are in need? In the midst of ”people-mountain, people-sea,” how can I learn to ask appropriate and sensitive questions so that I can develop a personal relationship with the one in need? How can I… instead of putting myself in Jesus’ shoes wanting to help others, maybe I should place myself in that woman’s shoes to see if I needed healing? Maybe I should reach out and touch Jesus to see if I can hear Him asking: daughter, did you touch me?
I know people who retired in their forties or fifties when they were financially secure. That means they don’t have to work for money anymore and finally get to enjoy life. I know pastors who retired in their sixties from church and travel to different mission fields to help out. When I ask missionaries about retirement, they usually give me a blank look meaning they have not thought about it. When I proceed to ask:
Where would you like to retire?
Are you financially prepared for retirement?
Huh, what…not sure… Jehovah Jirih- the Lord will provide.
What do you want to do if you retire?
Continue to serve the Lord for as long as possible!
Faithful to the end, that’s what missionaries are called to – a lifetime of service by faith. That’s why some people say missionaries never retire, therefore they don’t need to think about it or plan for it. Maybe another reason we don’t talk about it is because we are focusing on recruiting missionaries, younger missionaries for that matter so they have more years to serve. In the last several years, the average age of missionaries sent out from Hong Kong is around 47. If a missions agency requires their missionaries to retire at the age of 65, that means they only have 18 years of field service. Whereas if missionaries don’t retire and if they live to 80 years old, that could add another 15 years to a total of 33 years of missionary service! From the economic point of view, isn’t it better for the Kingdom of God if missionaries do not retire?
That’s all very ideal for those who are able and capable; how about that single missionary who was forced to retire early due to a physical and/or emotional hardship? What about that missionary who was killed accidentally on the field leaving his wife (also a missionary) and young children behind? I have seen missionaries in these conditions suffer from lack of financial and relational support when they return “home.” On the other hand, there are senders who stood by their missionaries in sickness and in health, in effectiveness and in incapability. Eventually, the practical question will be raised – How long or how much should a sending church and/or missions agency continue to provide for these missionaries who are no longer actively serving on the field? Are they still considered missionaries?
I have raised more questions than provided answers on the issue of missionary non-retirement. As a missionary, maybe I should begin to think about what to do if I reach a point where I am not able to function as a missionary no matter how old I am. Do I expect my family members, friends, sending church, and missions agency to take care of me? Should I add this burden onto them? No, I don’t… but traditional Chinese’s belief is for children to take care of their parents when they get old. Some missionaries might unconsciously transfer this concept into expecting their senders and supporters to take care to them in their golden years. If things don’t turn out the way they expect, feelings might get hurt and relationships broken.
As missionaries, how do we walk by faith and be responsible at the same time and not fall into a fatalistic mentality of folding our hands and leaving it all up to God since He is in control of all things in all time? Our Lord created us to have freewill and desires us to partner with Him, from God creating the animals and Adam naming each one of them to missionaries sharing the Gospel and the Holy Spirit moving each heart to accept the Gift of eternal life. Let us be responsible partners, taking the time to ask our Lord how we should partner with Him in retiring or not retiring.
by Judi Chow
I can’t stand it when people think they have all the answers, particularly when I know that person doesn’t know anything regarding to the subject matter. Did you catch me? I just became that presumptuous person when I wrote, I know that person…! The revelation came during seminary graduation with a little panic, now I know I don’t know much about God, theology, the Bible, and myself for that matter! It was years later that I am thankful I have this awareness- that I don’t know. The next question is, do I really want to know, how much or how deep do I really want to know about God, life, and the future?
An old hymn came to mind– “I don’t know about tomorrow, I just live from day to day… Many things about tomorrow, I don’t seem to understand, but I know who holds tomorrow, and I know who holds my hand.” I have to admit there are many things I don’t understand and have no answers to. I won’t pretend a philosophical answer to “Why does God allow suffering?” will ease the pain of those sobbing or shouting, “Where is God when the building’s crashing down on my parents? Why didn’t God save my wife? How can I go on living while my only son is dead?”
Suffering is painful and separation is difficult no matter how you look at it. How can anyone endure the unbearable and have the strength to face tomorrow? I believe only love can dry the tears and restore hope. Don’t you remember John 3:16? “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son…” Because of love, God endured separation from His only son. Because of love, Jesus endured suffering for our sake. Because of love, we have hope of restoration. Buildings might crumble, lives would change, but the spirit is not crushed because I know who holds my hand.
Take time to contemplate the meaning of Psalm 119:71 “My suffering was good for me, for it taught me to pay attention to your decrees.” I will never have the answers to many life questions until when I meet Jesus face to face. Meanwhile, get to know God more and more, than I might be able to understand His decrees a little better. I don’t know about you, but I know 1 Corinthians 13:13 “Three things will last forever…” I particularly like the Message translation: “…Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.” Let love be our motivating force to face each new day and to accept the unknown reasons behind the suffering we witness.
by Judi Chow
The Ten Commandments were given to the Israelites dealing with moral precepts such as love and relationships with God and man. It is a good idea to re-examine it here in order to see how the second ten commandments which missionaries need to obey to honor our Lord in all we do and all we can be.
Take time to review, reflect, and renew our commitment to obey not only the first Ten Commandments but seriously consider obeying each one of the second Ten Commandments also if you are a missionary.
The Ten Commandments From Exodus 20
2. You shall not make for yourselves an idol
3. You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God
4. Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy
9. You shall not give false testimony
Respect for Parents
Respect for Human life
The Second Ten Commandments For Missionaries
11. You shall not put people’s needs before me
12. You shall not make ministry your idol
13. You shall not misuse the gifts I’ve entrusted to you
14. Remember to live a holy life by keeping the Sabbath
15. Honor your senders and supporters
16. You shall not lead in all things for all times
17. You shall not expect of yourself more than I asked of you
18. You shall not hold onto your accomplishment
19. You shall not leave your station/ field until I tell you
20. You shall not forget I am always by your side
by Judi Chow
I have never had the opportunity to step into the cancer ward of a hospital, but I know the ordeals of chemotherapy and radiotherapy. Many missionaries have gone through these kinds of treatment, some recovered and some went “home” to be with the Lord. After several rounds of treatments, a friend decided enough is enough since all the treatments she went through didn’t work, hair lost is minor compared to the puffy-yellowish face with weakening strength and will each day. I don’t have to ask if she wants to get well; of course she does – leaving her husband and two teenagers behind is unbearable! I did ask if she will try other treatments; she told me it won’t make any difference since it is just a waste of time and money resulting in more torture and disappointment. My friend has lost faith in medical treatments; she wants to get well but she has no hope of getting well!
About two thousand years ago by the Pool of Bethesda in Jerusalem, Jesus asked a man the same question: Do you want to get well? (John 5:1-9) Of course he did, day after day, year after year, lying there waiting – listening to the pain, smelling the sick, and watching people rushing into the pool – to get well. That’s why he replied to Jesus – how can I? No one helped me and I can’t help myself. (My interpretation) Maybe you don’t know what is it like to be a helpless invalid for 38 years, but you can imagine or even have experienced hopelessness. I assume this man wanted to get well but he had no hope of getting well!
A pastor who had three major brain surgeries has proclaimed health is not the most important thing in life. Maybe the surgeries affected the brain’s normal function? Don’t we all pray for health and wish for wealth? This pastor lives with a time-bomb in the brain and decreasing sensations in all four limbs and has proclaimed the most important thing in life is: HOPE! I didn’t ask if this pastor wants to get well, but by the continuing treatments, therapy, and exercise the answer is evidently yes. In this case, getting well is not as important as having hope. How true, as a counselor and missionary, I don’t have all the answers or solutions to people’s problems but I am there to instill hope.- hope not necessarily in the things we wanted or the health we seek but in a way out through Christ!
Jesus took away the question, the blame, and the doubt by commanding that man by the pool to get up, pick up his mat, and walk! Instant healing took place, restoration of strength on all four limbs happened before this man knew who did what. Out of so many people who wanted to get well, Jesus chose to heal that man and welcomed my friend “home” to be with Him. Why? Maybe He loves her more; maybe she has fulfilled her destiny. I can rationalize and justifiy but I am not in the position to question God’s decision. It’s a life-long learning of trusting and accepting His will is better than my will and His ways are higher than my ways.
When you feel stuck, no one seems to understand, no one is reachable to help, and no hope of getting well (physically or emotionally), please remember Jesus is only a prayer away. He can pull you out of that state of hopelessness!
by Judi chow
One of the questions we ask missionary candidates for their Pre-field psychological assessment is, “What do you fear the most?” Let me share some of the answers here: snakes and rats, death and separation, sin against God, not being used by God, my parents die before accepting Christ, my child’s safety, getting seriously ill on the field, not able to accomplish my task as a missionary… the list goes on and on. Looking at these answers from missionaries now serving in different parts of the world, you can see that missionaries are also human beings with blood, sweat, and tears.
Often times, missionaries as well as church leaders tell me in tears they are scared. As a counselor, I can analyze the psychological causes of their fear like: feeling threatened, powerless, perceived danger, inadequacy, rejection, and guilt (genuine and false). Fear usually arises from lack of trust and when one falls into uncontrollable situations or the unknown. As a missionary, I know servants of the Lord are not immune to fear. Even Jesus’ disciples were really scared when their little fishing boat was about to be swallowed by the storm. They tried to wake Jesus up by shouting, “Lord, save us! We are going to drown!” The disciples really thought they were going to die, and Jesus responded with a question, “Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!” (Matthew 8:23-26)
Every one of us has our own fears. I don’t know about you, but my number one fear is… believe it or not… preaching! Do you know why? Well, maybe I have been taught women ought not to preach and if I do, then I am being disobedient. Preaching is proclaiming God’s Word, and what if I don’t get it right, will I be leading people astray? What will people think of me then? Here, finally, I have come to the bottom line – my concern is about my performance, my face, me! I am just like the disciples focusing on the circumstances and my own well-being, having so little faith! I neglected the fact Jesus knows and He cares! Numerous times Jesus assures us, “I am here! Don’t be afraid.” (Matt. 14:27; Mark 6:50) I am getting better at conquering the fear of preaching now. I still sweat over sermon preparation and experience butterflies in the stomach before approaching the pulpit, but during delivery I try to stay tuned into Jesus’ comforting promise, “I am here! Don’t be afraid.“
Fear did not go away completely as my faith factor still has room to grow. It is understandable for missionaries to be afraid, particularly when one doesn’t know a wave is a welcomed invitation or a hostile rejection. Facing the unknown and uncontrollable circumstances on the field without a support system can force a person to turn to Jesus or become self-reliant. I am sad to said, as I counsel missionaries in times of need or fear, their first answer usually is not Jesus!
Jesus’ question, “Why are you afraid?” is followed by what seems to me a rebuke, “You have so little faith!” Jesus didn’t stop there; he stood up and rebuked the wind and the waves showing the disciples He can calm the storm at sea as well as the storm in their hearts. Jesus’ presence and power overcame fear!
Next time when you are scared, focus on His promise, “I am here! Don’t be afraid.”
by Judi Chow
I have attended many funerals and memorial services recently, some were my friends and others were well-respected servants of the Lord ranging in age from twenty-something to over a hundred. They all left friends and family members behind to mourn for them, from parents to spouses to children to great-grandchildren. I also recall a funeral of a security guard of an apartment building. My friend was asked to officiate the ceremony since she is the only pastor he knew, and it turned out she was the only person there. This is sobering – how we spend our days will reflect upon what kind of impact we have on other people’s lives. This is the legacy we shall leave behind.
For the last several years, I have been talking about retiring although I am not at that age yet. I thought about opening a coffee shop/art gallery somewhere and go someplace to learn how to make a nice cup of Cappuccino. What’s wrong with me? Is it because of the feeling of bearing too much heavy responsibilities? Am I not doing what God has gifted me to do? No, I don’t have an identity problem or role confusion; I am called to serve the Lord in caring for the missionary community. I love training and counseling missionaries and enjoy writing about it also… But why the thought of leaving it all? Am I having a midlife crisis?
The fact is, I know I have reached a point in my life where my days lived are greater than my days left to live. This is a critical transitional period most people my age have to overcome, just like searching for identity during adolescence. Maybe this is triggered by the recent deaths of my peers as well as the appearing wrinkles and aging spots on my face. I cannot stay up all night to work anymore. I can accept my mortality. I know my days on earth are numbered. How should I make the best of what God has endowed me so I may hear “well done, my good and faithful servant” (Matthew 25:21) when I see Jesus face to face? Am I living a life with no regrets no matter if I have 10 years, 10 months, or 10 days to live?
In “The Bucket List” movie, two old guys, who have been given 6-12 months to live due to cancer, made a list of things to do before they die (kick the bucket). I know lots of people have made up their own bucket list and post it on the Internet for the world to see. Let me share with you some of them: Read the whole Bible; Get as many people as I can to know Jesus; Skydive; Get married and have kids; Be a missionary; Travel the world; Write a book… Etc. I assume doing these things will make one feel a sense of accomplishment and enjoyment. I don’t have a bucket list but there are things I’d like to do before I die, like setting up a missions village, seeing the seven wonders of the world, and riding in a real hot-air balloon. If I don’t do these things before I see Jesus, will I regret it?
As a woman going through midlife, what am I searching for behind these questions I ask myself?… Yes, I do want to finish well… by God’s standard! I want to be a good and faithful servant in HIS eyes! What if all of a sudden due to my own physical or mental limitations or the needs of my parents or for whatever reasons I can no longer be a missionary… what do I do then? Will I be really fulfilling God’s destiny for me by operating a coffee shop/art gallery somewhere in the world? Eric Liddell‘s famous line in the movie “Chariots of Fire” came to mind, “God made me fast. And when I run, I feel His pleasure.” He did run, not only in the Paris Olympics, but all the way to China as a missionary.
The bottom line for all of us in midlife to ponder is: Do I know whom God made me to be, and do I feel His pleasure in what I do? Are you in that transitional period when you think you might be heading for a midlife crisis? Do you want to live a life with no regrets no matter what you do and where you are?
by Judi Chow
A friend went on a fast for three days and three nights.
My flat-mate just went on a twenty-one day liquid fast.
Another friend went on a forty-day lunch fast.
I know a pastor who went on a forty-day water fast.
Jesus went on a forty-day fast.
I tried to fast for one meal… and my hands were shaking, my feet numbing, my head hurting, my mouth watering, and my stomach growling. I just can’t concentrate on the purpose of fasting- to pray! Please note, I said fast, not skip a meal. It is easy for me to skip a meal or two or three. It often happens as I am in the middle of something so engrossing that I forget about eating. On a few occasions, I needed to fast or abstain from food for 12 hours or so to do a medical check up. From my personal experience, intentional fasting for spiritual purposes requires discipline and self-control.
Traditionally, fasting is defined as voluntarily going without food in order to focus on prayer and fellowship with God. Actually, it can be anything that distracts one from getting close to the heart of God, such as internet surfing or as simple as talking to people. I was at a retreat center where they emphasized the practice of silence even during meals. It was a good enforced discipline in denying oneself from talking to people so one can listen to God better. No matter whether it is withholding from eating, drinking, looking, or talking, our sole purpose of fasting should be trying to focus our heart, mind, body, and spirit to be in tune with God.
I don’t hear missionaries talk much about fasting. I am not saying they don’t, it’s just that when one does fast—everything else needs to slow down to take second place, including ministry! Fasting might seem to be a luxury instead of a priority. After all, missionaries need the food to give us physical strength for visitation or to plan evangelistic events! Missionaries are always lacking of time, how can we afford to be still to fast and feel weak! I do believe fasting is a lost art of spiritual discipline that has been stereotyped into being just for the super-spiritual giants. Don’t be fooled by it, for it is in weakness we seek God’s strength! Beware, when we want to fast, the devil always tries to find ways to keep us from getting close to God, before and/ or during the fast. Remember Jesus’ fasting in the desert? Can we try to fast one meal a week and dedicate that time of eating to come before God- to adore Him, praise Him, listen to Him. I think if we do that, Jesus will be pleased, because we are following in His steps.
by Judi Chow
A few years ago, we tried to launch a program called IOU40@wecare. It was an attempt for missionary candidates to spend 40 hours of intensive preparation as to follow Jesus’ example of 40 days of fasting and prayer before His public ministry. Satan came at the end of that 40 days when Jesus was hungry, tired, and vulnerable; the temptation posted as a challenge- “If you are the Son of God,” prove it by turning these stones into bread and by throwing yourself down from the temple top. In the midst of His physical weaknesses, Jesus answered with spiritual strength- “It is written…” everytime. (Matthew 4:1-11)
I don’t remember ever hearing a voice challenging me- if you are a missionary, you should devote yourself totally in caring for the poor, praying for the sick, feeding the hungry, housing the homeless, preaching the Gospel, planting the church, counseling the downcast, casting out demons, making disciples, training leaders, etc., etc. These are real needs which can be very demanding for any missionary, but when does being responsible became a dangerous temptation? When we forgot it is written, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and love your neighbor as yourself.” (Luke 10:27)
Missionaries usually don’t have to prove ourselves, right? We are sent to do these things. We are expected to be faithful and fruitful. We are to be servants and leaders. We do all these because we love the Lord, the lost, and… well maybe not ourselves! We get on that treadmill call ministry, start running and running until we are exhausted but not able to get off. I have known missionaries who worked so hard on the field, they had to be carried home on a stretcher. When did we forget it is written, “Be still and know that I am God?” (Psalm 46:10) The second half to this verse is, “I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.“
Maybe one of the best kept secrets buried deep in a missionary’s heart is the fear of not being use by the Lord. Satan knows our weakest link and that’s where he will lure us with his temptation. Someone said money, sex, and power are the greatest temptations. As we read from the news, many of God’s servants have fallen prey in the midst of their seemingly successful ministries. Not sure when their focus had shifted, rationalization began and the end justified the means. It is okay, it is for the sake of the Gospel! Somewhere along the way, it is forgotten, “Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” (James 4:7)
Jesus overcame Satan’s temptation by reciting God’s words from His heart. These words are not factual knowledge only, Jesus knew pleasing and honoring the Father is more important than working and reaping for the Father. Next time when you hear, If you are a missionary, don’t justify, just follow Jesus in His steps.